dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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