I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
