So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
