he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
