you guys were way drunker than both of me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
