is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
