What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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