This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
