Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
