Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
