i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
