Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
