If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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