May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
