When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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