Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
