Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
