Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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