I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
