I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
