good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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