I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
