let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
