OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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