im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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