Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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