I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
