So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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