Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
