they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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