I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
