whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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