What did we do last night that was yellow?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
