Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
