I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
