At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
