Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
