Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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