I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
