you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
