Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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