I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
