Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
