Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
