Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
