I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
