I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize