my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
