i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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