Already got asked if we're dating
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
