super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
