I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
