i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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