So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
