So drunk its hurt
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
