Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
