I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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