I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
