He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
