my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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