if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
