I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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