I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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