You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
