SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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