Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
