we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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