My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize