Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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