Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
