weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize