how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
