I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
