Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My pussy is not your playground.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize