I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
