sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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