so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
