do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
