just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
