You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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