so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
