Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
