I'm drive I can fine osifer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
